Walking Dead on Red Bull: 2-10 “18 Miles Out”

As this Red Bull Review is a day late let’s get started IMMEDIATELY.

Walking Dead Episode 2-10 “18 Miles Out” (but should be titled “Crossroads”)

Red Bulls imbibed: 2

YES, a flash forward with zombies.  That’s how you start an episode.

The intro credits get a huge yawn from me for the 23rd consecutive time in a row.

Now we are watching an ad for Cast Away starring Tom Hanks on AMC classics. Chuck Nolan is at a crossroads getting out of his car…

Cast Away

oh wait, that’s Rick. This segment brought to you by heavy-handed symbolism.

Castaway 2: Walker Island

Rick wants to talk. Shane doesn’t think there’s anything to talk about. AGAIN.

Finally, the culmination of Old Man Lookout’s “Great Assumption” as Rick asks Shane why he killed Otis.  Shane gives a half-ass justification that is just enough ass for Rick to accept it whole-assedly.

Full verbal confrontation between Rick and Shane.  I’m expecting Lori to cruise up and drop off a tape measure so they can measure their penises.  Then she’d probably start driving away and flip the car into a ditch.

Rick really manning up, “You don’t love her!” Rick is really laying it on thick.  Shane responds by looking at the ground a lot.  He is grimacing.  He wants even the earth to know his pain.

Shane says that when the outbreak first happened Lori and Carl’s Jr. kept him alive.  I assume he’s not being literal since they are certified experts at trying to die.

Rick and Shane go to check on “Jumper” who’s in the back seat.  They are making him listen to some terrible music.  Come on Rick, could you at least give him some Skrillex?

Shane is looking out at a random walker wandering in a field.  I think Shane is feeling lost…like the zombie. More symbolism!

Oh, god dammit! we’re back at the funny farm cooking dinner.  Maggie talking to Lori about Glenn.  If interest was oxygen this would be the equivalent of getting the wind knocked out of me.

Lori is reverting to Betty Draper approved Lori by commenting on gender roles with the line, “men have to do certain things.” Humorously she says this while cooking dinner.  If there was a We Can Do It poster on the kitchen wall it would have burst into flames during this scene.

Lori agrees to disagree

They reference Beth.  Is that the shock-prone classical composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?  before i can care who it is we are back with Rick and Shane.

Rick recommends more knife kills to minimize sound and conserve ammo.  I am beginning to fall in love with Rick’s newly discovered intelligence. Looking forward to seeing those sweet knife kills Mr. Grimes!

Rick references the Lord of the Rings “book”  I wonder for far too long which book he is referencing.  He never clarifies 🙁

Which one Rick? WHICH ONE!?

Looks like Mozart woke up.  Was she the one in shock or the coma or whatever? Whatever is the correct answer. She literally annoys me with the first few words she utters. Hopefully Old Man Lookout will run through the bedroom wearing naught but his bucket hat and put her right back into shock.

The meal Lori cooked gets a closeup shot. It looks awful. Apparently women do not “have to do certain things” well.

Back to the interesting stuff! Rick and Shane barrel across some railroad tracks.  Come on Undead Ghost Train!  rats, apparently that was too much to hope for.

Why didn’t Hersheles God of Zombieland come with them?  I guess it’s probably best he keeps watch over Team Moron at the funny farm.

The first zombie we see, Shane whips out his gun.  Shane was clearly not paying attention to Rick’s knife speech due to his metaphorical connection with the field zombie.

Rick distracts the zombie with some of his blood and then SWEET KNIFE KILL #1!

There Will be Knife Kills

We learn that even a scratch from a walker can turn you into one.  Hopefully Andrea will battle a zombie cat in the near future.

DAMMIT, we’re back at the funny farm.  Mozart thinks that living is now “pointless”  She is confusing “living” with her character’s existence.

The show pretty heavily telegraphs that she is going to kill herself.  She is about to! Unfortunately Lori intervenes and keeps her completely pointless character alive.

Back to the school with Rick, Shane and Jumper.

Apparently Jumper knows Maggie.  This really gets Shane and Rick worked up.  Rick doesn’t want to kill Jumper yet and would rather bring him back to the barn.  Rick drops a sick burn on Shane by asking if he puts Jumper in the barn if Shane will break into the barn and start firing again?  Shane retaliates by dropping a sick headbutt on Rick’s face.

This fight scene between Rick and Shane is long overdue and amazingly awesome.  For some reason it reminds me of this:

INSHANEITY RISING!

Apparently Shane thinks the best way to protect Lori is to throw a massive wrench at Rick’s head.  Unfortunately, this summons about 20 walkers. Fortunately, it also summons a big smile on my face.

GOD DAMMIT we’re back at the farm house. Now Maggie and Mozart are arguing.  the funny farm continues to be the Command Center for OPERATION CONTRADICTORY STATEMENTS.  This scene reminds me how I’m still unclear as to Andrea AKA Suicide Girl’s current stance on suicide.

LOL. Andrea is called out for being useless by useless Lori.  Apparently standing watch for walkers is more useless than making meals even suicidal people won’t eat. Oh Lori, that is incorrect.

Now Lori yells at Andrea for missing “laundry duty”  Apparently they are in the Girl Scouts.  Andrea, how dare you miss laundry duty.  FOR SHAME! The script for this argument was copied and pasted from a Gilmore Girls episode.

BACK to Rick and Shane’s Battle Royale at the School of Awesomeness. YES.

Rick pulls off a triple-decker zombie kill with some truly remarkable special effects and zombie make up.  Unfortunately Dale and Andrea were not in that stack of zombies.  It’s possible T-Bone was because I completely forgot what he looks like.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, we’re back at the farm.  This episode should be shown in college film courses to teach contrast.  In this case, the contrast between SUCK (the farmhouse) and AWESOME (the School of Awesome).

Mozart is looping Maggie into some strange assisted suicide scenario.  Where the hell is Hersheles to fix all of this blabbering with some choice motivational lines?

BACK TO SCHOOL OF AWESOME.

Shane confuses himself with DONKEY KONG

Shane has escaped the zombies by holing up in a school bus.  It doesn’t make sense to me why he’s not singing Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round while stabbing zombies in the head.

JESUS AND HIS ANGELS, we’re back at the farm.  Andrea literally lets Mozart try to commit suicide.  God I hate you Andrea.

BACK TO S of A:  read the following line like a WWE announcer:

SHANE IS IN THE SCHOOL BUS. RICK LOOKS AT HIM. OH, NO. WHAT’S THAT?  RICK IS WALKING AWAY.  HE’S LEAVING SHANE TO HIS FATE.  OH MY GOD!  SHANE IS LEFT FOR DEAD!!!!

CHRIST ON A CRACKER, we’re back at the farm. Beth is busy killing herself. Lori has a lot of trouble getting the door down. Maybe that’s one of the “certain things” she referred to earlier that are for men to handle. Looks like they are going to be able to save Mozart’s life. EPIC FAIL.

BACK TO S OF A: Rick is about to cruise away. UT OH. he’s looking at two dead cops laying on the ground. Once again, this episode is not light footed on SYMBOLISM. It looks like Shane will be saved!

Back to the depths of hell (AKA farm): Andrea has lost house privileges. Apparently this is in fact the girl scouts. She also now has earned the merit badge “Most Universally Disliked Person on the Show”

BACK TO S OF A: Rick and Jumper steal Walter White’s car and sweep in to save Shane’s life. What an awkward ride home this is going to be.

It looks like Shane and Rick are coming to an understanding. Shane is accepting his role as #2. Rick should have just done this:

Shane looks out on the field to see the same random zombie wandering. The zombie disappears from view. I assume this means that Shane has come to terms with the situation. Shane looks very conflicted though. If this took place in the ’90s Shane would be listening to Nirvana right now, instead we have more current crappy music play in the background as it cuts to black.

School of Awesome: 16 out of 10 points
Funny Farm: 2 out of 10 points

Overall episode score: 9 (out of 10)

Don’t get too excited and say, “oh, looks like Walking Dead is on an upward swing!” Looks like next week we’re going to get to see Carl’s Jr. go Walker Crapfest Ranger:

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