Walking Dead on Red Bull: 2-11 “Judge, Jury, Executioner”

Walking Dead on Red Bull: 2-11 “Judge, Jury, Executioner”

Red Bulls imbibed: 1

I’m watching the episode preview. It looks like this episode is going to be heavy on Old Man Lookout. After a one episode break he is returning with a crusty vengeance!

Daryl is really working over Jumper. He’s clearly not very good at interrogating since he’s torturing Jumper before even asking basic questions.

Jumper was with a group of 30 new characters!? NOOOOO! We need six FEWER characters, not 30 more!

Just in case you are wondering, here are said six:

  • Lori
  • Carl
  • Andrea
  • Mozart
  • Old Man Lookout
  • Glenn

I’d add T-Bone to the list but at this point I assume he died off camera a few episodes ago.

Apparently Jumper’s roving band of 30 miscreants raped a bunch of women. Well, this series got really dark quickly which is saying  something since this is an APOCALYPSE ZOMBIE SHOW. Making the bad guys rape-y is the writer’s shortcut to make us instantly abhor characters we’ve never met.

Old Man Lookout doesn’t like the idea of killing Jumper! He is for the demographic process and against King Richard!

Now is the winter of Dale's discontent

After getting his ear chewed off by OML, Rick agrees to let OML try to convince others to spare Jumper’s life.  Rick says, “we will reconvene at sunset.” Then a THUNDER CLAP!! What drama!

OML wants Andrea to guard Randall to protect him from the INSHANEITY. Clearly he doesn’t know what an awful job she did guarding Mozart.  I’m guessing she’ll convince Randall to kill HIMSELF.

LOL.  OML reveals that Andrea is a Civil Rights attorney. hahahahahaha. yeah right. Civil rights lawyers don’t say things like “we’re not civil anymore” OML, you are too much!

Lori will be FURIOUS that Andrea is guarding Jumper. Who is going to help her with laundry duty and making the finger sandwiches!!?

Carl’s Jr. is still wearing his dad’s hat. I’m assuming at this point that he’s wearing it in case Hersheles throws an impromptu Costume Party.

Jumper is breathing heavily and eavesdropping on Shane and Andrea’s conversation. Is he going to manipulate them?  Hopefully he is better at manipulation than jumping off buildings

HOLD THE PHONE, why is Carl’s Jr sitting in the loft above Jumper? How did he even get in there? I think he is legitimately mentally ill at this point. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?

He is walking up to Jumper, staring at him like he’s never seen a human being before. “What is this all of your body, is this what the humans call ‘skin’?” Carl’s Jr. says to Jumper.

All these moronic moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Shane catches Carl’s Jr. before he can finish his alien staredown. LOL, “I can handle it myself!” Carl says. Handle WHAT? what were you going to handle? the creeping out the prisoners duties? KILL CARL’S JR SHANE. BRING DOWN THE INSHANEITY UPON HIS HAT!

Shane doesn’t kill him unfortunately although he does nail it on the head with the line, “Carl, quit trying to get yourself killed.”

The first word of the Mass Effect 3 Walking Dead promo is “Struggle” I’m assuming the second two words are “to” and “act” and you win a trip with Andrea and Carl’s Jr. to walk the red carpet leading to NYU’s acting school.

Do we have to watch OML talk to everyone about Jumper’s execution? This episode may redefine the term “tedious”

OML shouts at Daryl, “you’re opinion makes a difference” OML wants Daryl to:

Carl’s Jr is mindlessly kicking a stone in a field. That’s more in line with what i’d expect from him based on his intelligence. Next scene Carl will probably strangle a bunny rabbit.

Carl's Jr all grown up

Rick is preparing a noose. How unnecessary and dramatic! He must really miss his hat and has to fill the voide with other old fashioned sheriff cliches.

haha. Sophia’s mom and her haircut are going around the farm preaching Jesus. Thank god the show reminded me she was a christian.

the original Walker

Carl Jr, “Heaven is just another lie and if you believe it you’re an idiot!” Dickens and Shakespeare, looks like we have a new wordsmith in town. you are on notice!

Please give the actor who plays Carl’s Jr. one of these IMMEDIATELY:

To Sophia’s mom and her haircut, everyone avoids you and treats you like you’re crazy because you ARE crazy.

Rick teaches Carl’s Jr. to respect his elders by telling him to think instead of talk. Why Rick hasn’t shared this sage advice with everyone else on the farm I will never know.

Hersheles absolutely shuts down OML’s anti-death penalty campaign. He is more concerned with the the loose cattle. Fantastic.

Carls Jr. is walking around the farm by himself. He is completely unescorted despite the fact that he almost got himself killed by “handling” Jumper earlier.

He goes to Daryl’s motorcycle and grabs a gun. Should I assume he is joking? Is he going to turn and wink at the camera? Is he having a complete mental breakdown? WHAT THE SHIT IS HAPPENING HERE? I am going to lose it in a second.

Now Carl’s Jr is in the woods by himself. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! my mind!

Carl comes across a zombie with his feet stuck in the mud of a riverbank. He is throwing rocks at the zombie while I search for rocks to hurl at my TV.

Let's twist again! Like we did last summer!

Just when I think my brain is going to explode we go to commercial. This is literally the most excited I’ve ever been to see a commercial in my life.

Unfortunately the commercial is more disturbing than the show:

Best Buy represents the lollipop gang!

Shane vs. OML. The argument of the century is upon us. NM, that was rather disappointing. Absolutely no INSHANEITY or crusty old stump speeches.

Even Glenn is back this episode!! This episode has EVERYONE…except for T-Bone of course.

Hersheles is giving Glenn his watch. He kept it in his ass since the zombie outbreak started:

http://youtu.be/RKuDYbnXBJQ?t=1m55s

Hersheles says, “no man is good enough for your little girl” I agree with that IN THEORY but I can assure you, oh mighty Hersheles God of Zombieland, Glenn is not good enough for Maggie because he’s a certified loser with no redeeming qualities.

Oh no, it’s almost sunset! THE RECKONING IS UPON US!

Carl’s Jr. is still having happy fun play time with the lethal zombie in the forest. May I remind you that it’s almost night time. Has Carl been playing with the zombie for HOURS? Do zombies affect the rotation of the earth?

In the surprise of the century, the zombie breaks loose from the mud!

"Give me that stupid hat, kid!"

In the biggest twist of the episode, T-Bone is in the farmhouse! HE IS NOT DEAD (yet)

OML gives a truly inspirational speech. He really is an amazing poor man’s Richard Dreyfuss.

Deleted scene:

Lori says it’s not wise for Rick and Shane to go off into the wild on their own to drop off Jumper again. Lori must have forgot about her last amazingly productive excursion:

Sophia’s mom and her haircut are sick of the arguing and talking. That makes three of us.

Rick is obviously going to chicken out and let Jumper live. I’m calling it now.

Apparently the Mass Effect 3 promo word is not “Struggle to Act” oops, my apologies!

Now they’re in the barn ready to put down Jumper. What happened to the noose Rick? What happened to the DRAMA?

Carl’s Jr. walks in. He is EVERYWHERE. Carl Jr. is going to unman Rick. yep. Jumper is spared. DALE WINS!

ut oh, hold your horses. Dale is wandering alone in a field for absolutely no reason. why is he out there? and once again, why is he alone?

Old Man Lookout in his natural habitat, on lookout duty

If they aren’t going to build barriers, barn forts or do anything to fortify their position beyond their REI Hooverville, CAN’T THEY AT LEAST USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

Carl’s Jr’s mud zombie attacks Dale! Carl, you should have thrown more rocks at him!

Glenn is consistently useless, shouting out into the night, “what happened!” and then running around like a muppet on fire.

CHEST RIP ON OML!

Zombies are staunchly PRO-death penalty.

I do like how Boondock decided to help Rick. He does have a lot of experience in pistol executions:

And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee...

So it is official: Carl Jr’s happy fun time session killed OML.

He died as he lived: serving as a terrible, terrible lookout.

Updated list:

      • Lori
      • Carl
      • Andrea
      • Mozart
      • Old Man Lookout
      • Glenn
      • T-bone

Welcome back T-bone!

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