The Return of TV, Fall 2012 Network Previews: CBS

Welcome to the the Return of TV, 2012 Fall Network Previews.   This time we look at the new and returning shows on CBS, the network for your grandparents and those of you who LOVE crime dramas.

Noobs

Partners (Mon at 7:30)

What It’s About: From Wikipedia: “Although they couldn’t be more different, Louis and Joe are lifelong friends and partners in an architecture firm. Their “bromance” is tested when Joe gets engaged and Louis is in a new relationship.”

What It Could Be: With the How I Met Your Mother lead in, CBS is trying to create a successful Monday night comedy block. Unfortunately when the star of your show is best known for being the nerd who got a penis drawn on his face from 10 Things I Hate About You, I don’t have a lot of faith in your show.

What It Will Be: Fucking awful.

Vegas (Tuesday at 9:00)

What It’s About: It is not to be confused with Las Vegas, a show that apparently lasted 4 years on NBC, or the TV series named Vega$ that was on in the 70s. Per Wikipedia, Vegas is “set in 1960s Las Vegas, the series centers on Sheriff Ralph Lamb (Quaid), and his dealings with Chicago mobster Vincent Savino (Chiklis), who moved west to set up his own operation. Lamb was a former rancher who served as Sheriff of Clark County from 1961 to 1979.”

What It Could Be: More Casino without Sharron Stone and less National Lampoon Vegas Vacation. I have the right Quaid, don’t I?

What It Will Be: Probably really bad.

Elementary (Thurs at 9:00)

What It’s About:  Again, per Wikipedia, Elementary “presents a contemporary update of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle‘s Sherlock Holmes detective stories set in the United States. It stars Jonny Lee Miller as Holmes and Lucy Liu as Watson.”

What It Could Be: A compelling crime drama. Lucy Liu is good and while I haven’t seen Jonny Lee Miller since Trainspotting (I don’t watch Dexter) he was decent in that.

What It Will Be: It doesn’t have much competition so hopefully this will be a decent show. It’s obviously ripping off the British series “Sherlock” but I never care about that (see: The Office).

Made in Jersey

What It’s About: Per Wiki, “A streetwise lawyer born and raised in New Jersey joins a posh New York City law firm, where she must defend her clients while surviving her colleagues’ skepticism and her Italian family’s constant interruptions.”

What It Could Be: My Cousin Vinny without Joe Pesci.

What It Will Be: Why can’t I shake Jersey Shore from my mind when I think of this show? You may remember Janet Montgomery from The League, or from Entourage. I doubt she’ll be showing as much skin in this show. The description alone completely turns me off from this show, however. It could be really good, but I’ll never watch it.

Vets

6o Minutes (Sun at 6:00/when football ends)

Where It’s at: The same place it’s always been.

Should you watch? No. Unless you’re over 70 years old.

Will I watch? Not unless I accidentally DVR it because football ran long.

The Amazing Race (Sun at 7:00)

Where It’s at: After last year’s disastrous “celebrity” season, I’m hoping for a big bounce back year from The Amazing Race.

Should you watch? Yes. It’s the best reality show on TV. Plus, you can see some cool foreign locals.

Will I watch? Yes. Definitely.

The Good Wife (Sun at 8:00)

Where It’s at: Honestly, I have no clue. I never gave this show a chance even though the reviews have been positive.

Should you watch? I couldn’t tell you. If you’re reading this, I doubt you’ve ever seen an episode.

Will I Watch? No.

The Mentalist (Sun at 9:00)

Where It’s at: This will be it’s 5th season. I’ve never seen an episode.

Should you watch? If you really like crime dramas and you like the idea of a detective that can read people’s minds.

Will I Watch? I like crime dramas but no, I will not be watching this.

How I Met Your Mother (Mon at 7:00)

Where It’s at: A show that used to be legitimately funny really overstayed it’s welcome and is now terrible.

Should you watch? No. Why are you still watching? Stop. Stop it right now.

Will I Watch? No, not unless Ted is brutally murdered. He is the worst character on television.

2 Broke Girls (Mon at 8:00)

Where It’s at: Back for a second season, this show still looks terrible.

Should you watch? I really don’t know, but I doubt it. It looks terrible.

Will I Watch? No.

Mike & Molly (Mon at 8:30)

Where It’s at: A 3rd season for Melissa McCarthy. She is very well thought of in this show.

Should you watch? Probably. It’s suppose to be good.

Will I Watch? Probably not, although nothing else is on in this time slot.

Hawaii 5-0 (Mon at 9:00)

Where It’s at: I’m still confused as to how this is still on the air, but here it is for season 3. 12 million people watch it.

Should you watch? It actually gets decent reviews, but this show does not appeal to me at all.

Will I watch? No.

NCIS (Tues at 7:00)

Where It’s at: This is the 10th Season of the Naval CIS crime drama.

Should you watch? Not if you don’t already

Will I Watch? No.

NCIS: LA (Tues at 8:00)

Where It’s at: The 5th Season of the LA branch of the Naval CIS LA crime drama.

Should you watch? Not if you don’t already

Will I Watch? No.

Survivor (Wed at 7:00)

Where It’s at: The Godfather of Reality TV enters it’s 25th Season (they have two “seasons” per year). Some felt that last season was a disappointment but I thought it was pretty good.

Should you watch? This season has three teams of six including three contestants that had to leave their season with injury. Also, Jeff Kent, a former Major League Baseball player and former and I assume current asshole will be on this season. If any of that appeals to you, or you love reality TV, yes.

Will I Watch? Hell yes.

Criminal Minds (Wed at 8:00)

Where It’s at: This is the 8th Season of the hit crime drama.

Should you watch? If you like crime dramas this is one of the best ones on TV. Lisa loves this show.

Will I watch? Probably not. It’s on at the same time as Modern Family.

CSI (Wed at 9:00)

Where It’s at: This will be the 14th Season of CSI. Obviously, CBS loves their crime dramas.

Should you watch? Probably not. But I still watch Survivor so if you like it, keep truckin’

Will I Watch? No.

The Big Bang Theory (Thurs at 7:00)

Where It’s at: This will be the sixth season of the incredibly successful and critically acclaimed comedy.

Should you watch? 16 million people can’t be wrong, can they?

Will I watch? Actually, I think they can. I’ve given this show PLENTY of opportunities. It sucks.

Two and a Half Men (Thurs at 7:30)

Where It’s at: Charlie Sheen is still gone and Ashton Kutcher is in his place. This change over from last season didn’t effect the ratings, it’s still one of the top shows on TV.

Should you watch? Exhibit A on why 16 million people can be wrong. This show is the worst.

Will I watch? Not a chance in hell. Plus Kutcher took Mila Kunis off the market. I’m not giving this guy a second more of my time.

Person of Interest (Thurs at 8:00)

Where It’s at: The second season of Jonathan Nolan’s crime drama revolving around a billionaire who recruits a former CIA agent to stop crimes before they happen.

Should you watch? Well, Nolan co-wrote with his brother all the Batman movies, so maybe it’s worth a shot.

Will I watch? Maybe. I do need a crime drama to replace the sadly-now-cancelled Awake.

CSI: NY (Fri at 7:00)

Where It’s at: This is the 9th Season of the crime drama.

Should you watch? The show has suffered from declining ratings the past three years. I’d look elsewhere for your crime drama fix.

Will I watch? No.

Blue Bloods (Fri at 9:00)

Where It’s at: This is the second season of yet another policy/crime drama on CBS.

Should you watch? I’m pretty confident you have better things to do on a Friday night then look at Tom Selek’s mustache for an hour.

Will I Watch? No.

468 ad