Dave Takes a Trip to Goodwill
My family has a weird obsession with Goodwill stores. For as long as I can remember we would always stop at the Goodwill store to just “see if there was anything worth picking up.” Of course, the answer was always a resounding no.
My latest trip I decided to take a few photos to illustrate what tends to be available.
For reasons that remain unknown, this particular Goodwill store had an EXTENSIVE collection of old trophies. There were multiple theories as to who would purchase these. The obvious one (as seen in this photo) is because you are too cheap to buy a real trophy for whatever event you are headed to and you are attempting to repurpose the trophy for an alternative event. My theory is much simpler: You want a joke trophy and refuse to spend over $1.50 for said joke. The preposterous theory forwarded by my brother was that sad individuals peruse Goodwill stores to find trophies they can fit into a narrative about their life and load them into a room in their house to show off their “achievements.”
Every time I’m forced into one of these stores I make the point to look for their video game collection. Maybe I’ll find a copy of Earthbound for $1.50 and I’ll make a handsome profit off of this particular Goodwill’s lack of knowledge of obscure Super Nintendo games. Every time I am massively disappointed. Unfortunately this goodwill’s selection of games is pretty prototypical of my findings. I thought about picking up one of those Just Dance 2014 games but didn’t want to deprive the general public of a game that IGN described as a game that “exerts no pressure and demands no skill.”
Oh man, I almost bought this guy just to see the reaction on Court’s face when she got home. Unfortunately there was no price on him and I have no idea if that would set me back $30. That joke isn’t worth $30.
So this is strange, the subwoofer I currently own was on sale for $9.99. The rest of the surround system was not, however. Who on earth buys this thing? Goodwill, you’re looking for a very specific audience. If only I had blown out my subwoofer listening to “Bad Blood” on repeat via Chromecast this week (we came close). Can you imagine my reaction in that moment? “Holy shit! I just blew my subwoofer. I will happily pay you $10 to fix my system today.”
Probably the saddest thing I saw. Winnie, your family appreciates your effort here, but we’re going to see if someone at Goodwill will buy it for the frame and throw out your drawing. LOVE YOU!!!
My other “must stop” at any Goodwill is at the board game/puzzle section. I’m used to seeing an overload of Trivial Pursuit and Scene It! games but this was ridiculous. Nobody wants to play a 1982 game of Trivial Pursuit. If you’re donating this to a Goodwill store, you’re the living embodiment of a Mitch Hedberg joke.
While my family is off looking at God know’s what, I always take a look at the clothes, and to this day have never found a single item that fits. If anyone out there is a size 36/30, never pay retail price again. There are about a million pairs of pants just wanting for you at every Goodwill store across the country.
Who likes mid 90’s music? THIS GUY DOES! Unfortunately for Goodwill stores, Spotify has come along and completely ruined their business model. As much as I appreciated seeing Reel Big Fish, Sponge, and Hootie & the Blowfish CDs, there’s no way in Hell I’m paying even a nominal $0.99 for the CD. I don’t even have a device capable of playing a CD at this point. I hope you, like me, just queued up “Sell Out” on your Spotify playlist.
Strangest find of the day. Not that fact that it was here, but look at that price! Literally every other CD was priced at $0.99. What makes Rob Thomas worth an extra dollar?
Years ago a very good friend of mine repaid a debt to me with the Xbox 360 HD DVD player. At the time no one knew if HD DVD or Blu Ray was going to become the standard format for displaying HD movies. Long story short, I own a Beta Player. Regardless, I’m always on the look out for super cheap HD DVDs. Goodwill, you could have had me for $1.99 but then you got greedy and asked for $5 for Face Off on HD DVD and I got upset.
Goodwill, just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!!
We arrive at the one item that after one hour of shopping I actually ended up purchasing. By the way, I got a steal. Baseballs are not cheap and really if you’re an adult male you should have one of these around your house. Baseball’s are the perfect ball. I don’t give a shit what Deadspin says.
MRW: I realize I wasted a dollar on a baseball when I could have purchased a Grumpy Cat sticker on my way out: